GG ALLIN - "My first ten years"

Esto para los que sepáis inglés y penséis que tuvisteis una infancia difícil, "Mis primeros diez años", por GG ALLIN:

The first 5 years of my life were infested with sickness & violence. It consisted of living in a log cabin in the northern woods of New Hampshire with father, mother & brother. It was an extremely real, primitive, anti-social existence with no running water, little heat, and unbearably claustrophobic. We boiled water, laundered, and bathed in a very tiny, chipped sink. I was immensely sick with asthma, always fighting to breathe amidst emotionally uncomfortable conditions within a cabin where the wall colours were that of the ever-peeling paint strips. We lived in darkness. Father hated light. He also didn't care much for the company of other people. The surrounding air was suffocated in eerie tensions, filled with violence, despair and endless destruction. We were more like prisoners than a family. We were prisoners to father, and father was a prisoner of himself.

He always had planned to kill my brother and I, then commit suicide with mother. This was brought to our attention on many a blistering occasion. Father despised pleasures around the cabin and would consciously not allow any enjoyable items to enter into our home. If he found anything in our possessions that we enjoyed, he would take it out in the woods behind the cabin and bury it. We were allowed very little contact with others, we had no phone, and activities were limited. If someone came by to visit, we would all be made to hide or pay severe consequences. So we would hide. But it developed into our world. It's all we knew at the time. If mother ever refused him sex, he would furiously drag the bed out onto the grounds and burn it, setting it on fire as if all our souls werealive in the flames.

Towards the end of a long, barbaric 5 years, mother was plotting to engage in our escape. She had previously tried but I was kidnapped in the failed attempt. But finally one day when father was at work in the papermill, mother packed us up swiftly leaving behind everything that could not be carried and we then escaped. Leaving behind the first 5 years of my life. A 5 years that would be scratched into my soul for eternity. The first things she did soon after were to divorce father and change my name from Jesus Christ Allin to Kevin Michael Allin. But more violent confrontations followed throughout the years. Mother started dating men with a flair for guns and mayhem. We were again held at gunpoint on occasions and threatened by death. But mother was getting tougher. She dragged brother and I through all of these hardships & chaos and raised us despite all of the many complications and sacrifices in her life.

I began hating, not trusting, fighting, and feeling very distant to everyone and everything. At a very early age. I observed the world around me as amere movie. A movie full of culprits and phonies. I was the leading man outside of the screen with a hammer just waiting for my chance to smash it all to oblivion. I became introverted, keeping things locked up inside the inner fractions of my ever-expanding brain map. I hung out and did what I had to do to survive in any situation.

Brother and I became partners in drug dealing and theft. I never felt like I belonged around anyone, I was never intimidated. I felt superior. I hated school and all the other students. In the very early days of schooling I would purposely piss my pants so the teachers would send me home. In later days I would just say fuck it, and never go, choosing to break into houses or cars in parking lots to amuse myself and my fiances. My principal once told me that I was a penny waiting for change. But I suspect that I irritated him probably because I was making more money than he was. 

I also had predetermined very early in life that I obtained a special, very powerful soul that nobody could or would conceive or be able to stop me from achieving whatever I wanted. An irritating fire was building up inside of me from a seed that was planted at my birth. It was now starting to blossom. Evil fires and powerful conclusions were alive and spreading like wildfire within my burning, dark soul. Nothing around me would ever compete again. Bizarre personalities were awakening within. Personalities that later in life would have me visiting a psychiatrist. I was encouraged to go by the people around me. But I refused to let it penetrate, for I knew who Iwas even if nobody else did. I would prevail and accelerate over their unimportant, boring, stagnating lives. I realize now that these personalities were the demons living inside of me. I welcomed them as my friends. Later in life I would have intercourse with the devil himself.

I learned how to manipulate people very early in life, I had to. I could always make anyone believe what I had to make them believe. But the bottom line was, when you turn your back, I'll stab you in it. I also enjoyed wearing mother's clothes as well. Men's clothes were boring and unimaginative. I was a wild child who wanted to look outrageous and bright, even if I was filled with inner darkness and machine gun thoughts. Sexual abnormalities were awakening. I liked to play under the table when mother had company, while the folks were playing cards, etc. I would crawl beneath the table to check out the tightly fitted panties and fantasize. Soon fantasy became reality. I got off sucking the crusty cunt scrapings of mother's panties and later, on my aunt's, for that matter, anywhere I would go. I would raid hampers, garbage cans, and toilets for panties, snot rags, piss, shit, bloody rags, etc. If female company came over I would always fix the toilet so it wouldn't flush. That way Icould go in afterwards and feast on body fluids while jerking off. Later in life I would hang out at sleazy bars and bus stations collecting jars of piss and defecation for my sexual habits. I was always masturbating. All throughout my school years I had a constant erection. The first sex I had with another human was with brother. But later in life sexual confrontations with the smelliest of prostitutes, living and dead animals would prevail. I always felt like my parents must have found me on the ground somewhere and that the darkness of night came from an alien storm, leaving me from another galaxy on the back grounds of that broken down cabin...

CONCLUSION: My demons, inner strengths and physical battles have guided me through life. My demons and I are not compatible. We never have been and never will be. We invite you to danger, and possibly, DEATH. We want your blood, then we want you to vanish... I guess after all I must be my father's son, I am the second coming of Jesus Christ through aim and constant fire…